45 Ways to Distract Yourself From The Fucking Election

For anyone else who’s legitimately worried about the future of our country and just wants the election to be over already.

CNN

1. Practice your penmanship. You may want to take up the lost art of letter writing since we can’t really trust emails anymore.
2. Plan a trip to the U.K. Flights to London, and hotels in the city, are cheaper than they have been in years… *cough*cough*Brexit*cough*cough.
3. Re-watch all the Star Wars movies to prepare for the release of Rogue One later this year.
4. Finally learn the lyrics to that song you’ve been incorrectly all fucking summer. Seriously, it’s embarrassing.
5. Update your software. If you’re like me then you’re long overdue to update to macOS Sierra, iOS 10 dot whatever, the latest version of iTunes, etc. If you’re not like me then don’t worry, there’s a reason I included 45 items in this list.
6. Actually make a recipe from one of those faceless viral cooking videos you recently posted to Facebook. They’re supposed to be more than just food porn, right?
7. Get a super early start on holiday shopping. Why wait for Black Friday? Target already has most of their holiday shit out.
8. Find a new Netflix original series to binge watch. Or just re-watch Stranger Things.
9. Clean your iPhone. Like literally clean it, the amount of bacteria on the average cell phone is disgusting.
10. Give up carbs. Is butter a carb?
11. Go and see a movie at one of those places where they bring food and wine to your table. Because you deserve it!
12. Start preparing for tax season 2017. Especially true for those of us who actually pay federal income taxes.
13. Learn to knit. Think of all the money you could save by knitting scarves to give away as Hanukkah presents.
14. Try something new at Starbucks. Put down the PSL!
15. Smoke a bowl immediately before spending an hour reading random articles on Wikipedia. You’ll learn things you never knew, you never knew.
16. Invest in a puzzle. The more pieces, the better.
17. Take a nightly bath. Bonus points if you make it a bubble bath.
18. Try on all of your clothes and donate everything that doesn’t fit. Think of the tax savings!
19. Get a physical. Especially true if you’re one of the millions of people who gained health care coverage through Obamacare.
20. Write a Medium post about something unrelated to the election.
21. Re-arrange your furniture. Operation: Feng shui.
22. Go to a Disney on ice show. The happiest ice show on earth.
23. Do a deep cleaning of your bathroom. Or your kitchen, or whatever. Just do something so you feel clean.
24. Volunteer at a local food bank or soup kitchen. It’s a great way to spend a few hours doing something good for your community.
25. Go on a cleanse. It doesn’t matter if it’s a juice cleanse, a raw vegan cleanse, or a pizza cleanse — just do a fucking cleanse already!
26. Start meditating. Twice a day for at least twenty minutes per meditation.
27. Make a visit to a local museum. Or a zoo. But get outside, and away from your computer for a little while.
28. Get Kaught up on the latest Kardashian news. Kim’s been (understandably) radio silent lately, but there are plenty of other Kardashian/Jenners to follow online.
29. Plan a dinner party for the second week in November. Here’s hoping it’ll be a celebratory dinner.
30. Learn how to make a pumpkin pie. From scratch.
31. Sign up for a library card. It’s free — ICYDK.
32. Reach out to a long-lost friend from high school. I mean, now is as good a time as any to rekindle the friendship.
33. Spend some time at your neighborhood dog park. Don’t have a dog? No problem! Just being around those adorable faces should lighten your spirits, and don’t worry — it’s totally not weird to go to a dog park with out a dog.
34. Read “Harry Potter And The Cursed Child” or the “50 Shades of Grey” trilogy. Whichever one floats your boat. I’m not judging.
35. Get in on the overnight oats trend. And be sure to take pictures to post on Pinterest.
36. Learn how to juggle. Why the fuck not?
37. Make a weekend trip to Vegas to see the Britney show. You won’t be disappointed, I guarantee it!
38. Become a comic nerd. You’ll be totally prepared for for all the upcoming Marvel and DC Comics movies.
39. Train for a marathon, or start Googling things like “how to train for a marathon” so that you can make running a marathon one of your New Years resolutions.
40. Adopt a basil plant. And name it Basil.
41. Go bird watching. Just bring a pair of binoculars on a nightly hike and you’ll be g2g.
42. Get back into an old app you used to love. Like Pokémon Go, Neko Atsume, or Candy Crush…just to name a few.
43. Learn a new language, you know, just in case.
44. Vote early. If your state allows you to, that is. Then, avoid social media for the next week. I know it’s politically correct to say it doesn’t matter who you vote for, just go out there and vote…but dear God, please don’t vote for Donald Trump.
45. Make a last minute donation to the Hillary Clinton campaign then make a donation of equal or lesser value to yourself in the form of something that would be considered a reward to yourself for good behavior. Brb, I’m off to Chipotle.

Why 45 reasons? Well, because my husband and I plan to adopt someday, and for the future of our child and the county she’ll live in, I desperately hope Hillary Clinton becomes the 45th president of the United States.